April 13th Touching up the Garden Nudes

(Well the template does say to put a 'catchy title') Rose early in order to sneak up on the B&Q on-line delivery service under cover of darkness. Only a half hour queue so it all looked promising. Everything I wanted was there - even more promising. But as I placed the order things begin to fall away: nothing I wanted could be delivered; when it came to click on a product it was not in stock; when it came to checkout my order of 4 bags of compost was rationed to one. And I had to click and collect. It seems that compost and flour are the most sought after products by our locked-in population. It's important not to mix your orders. Even if the flour is self raising, it won't raise begonias. Anyway next was the password: Did I have one? Had I ever had one? Where was it? Have I forgotten it? Do I need it? Finally click and collect I did, only a few hours later from a deserted and ghostly B&Q car park, having crept along the A610 feeling rather endangered and illegal.

Today we at last got round to doing some pilates. There's nothing like starting a day hugging a tree and usefully employing the pelvis doing clocks and tilts and activating your glutes with a tennis ball. But it re-assured me that bits of the anatomy were still sentient and mobilised me to achieve the momentous undertakings of the day.

In the garden the really unnecessary jobs have now ascended to the top of the list: today the painting of the garden ornaments. Obviously I had to use what left over drips and drabs of outdoor paint I could find, mainly from sampler containers. So my owl is in Plymouth Grey with experimental eyes in Lush Lagoon. This left it looking like something that would take your leg off in a swamp, so a touch of Hammerite gave it some accetability. The duck responded quackily to Country Stone with Terracotta beak and feet. Blissful Blue eyes made it look like a rather bland sort of beast but Hammerite eyeballs added a certain malignity to its demeanour. I felt rather shy about approaching the two nude female statues who clearly needed cleansing of their algae, but I thought a little rough treatment would be good for them. A few strokes of a wire brush and some sandpaper and they were ready for an application of Country Stone, which was rendered with gentlemanly modesty.

Some satisfaction to be gained from today, something to show for the passng of the hours, even if it is only a rather alarming looking Country Stone duck with matching women. Underlying it, there's always that nagging guilt that we're primarily useless, marking time, while people we know are in the front line, coming home to decontaminate themselves as best they can and trying to manage bursting children. Meanwhile 10,000 familes are in mourning.